Tuesday, April 13, 2010

from this point forward

I'm feeling a little bit lost lately.

I'm taking classes that I don't really care about for a major I don't even know if I'm going to like. I'm slowly starting to wonder if I made a huge mistake by just doing what was practical. I like my management courses well enough, but what I always come back to is this need to want to create, or at least be involved with some type of design. I can't motivate myself to work on these projects and assignments for class because I just don't care about them at all. I miss having things I could throw myself into, where I had an overarching vision and that would motivate me to see things through. Maybe I'm just being naïve. This just doesn't feel like it's what I want to be doing with my life; I'm scared if I don't speak up now I never will. There's just so much I've already invested into this though, the money my parents paid for my first year, and it's not even like I have a clear idea of what I would switch to. I can't just say "something that involves design."

It just feels shitty to know that something is off, and not being able to fix it; and it feels shitty I can't explain it to anyone else because on a practical level it doesn't make any sense.

I'm not afraid life is going to be hard, I'm afraid its going to be boring.